If there’s one thing I’ve learned in leadership, coaching, and life, it’s this:
Respect isn’t just about being polite—it’s about making others feel safe enough to be honest.
Think about the toughest conversations you’ve had. Maybe it was with a struggling employee, a defensive business partner, or even a loved one. What made it hard?
Most of the time, it’s not the topic itself that’s difficult—it’s the fear of how it will be received.
That’s where psychological safety and respect in dialogue come in.
When people feel safe to be honest without fear of punishment, dismissal, or judgment, trust grows. When they don’t? They shut down, hold back, and tell us what they think we want to hear—not what we need to hear.
Respect in Dialogue: Beyond Just “Being Nice”
Respect in communication isn’t just about what we say—it’s about how we listen, respond, and follow through. It means:
✅ Creating space for honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable.
✅ Recognizing that people might not feel safe yet to open up.
✅ Adjusting our approach based on different communication styles.
And most importantly: Respect means follow-through.
If people take the risk to be honest with you, and nothing changes? Trust erodes.
How to Navigate Tough Conversations with Respect
A crucial conversation isn’t just an exchange of words. It’s a moment that either builds trust—or breaks it.
Here’s a simple 3-step framework to help you lead conversations with respect, no matter how challenging:
1. Set the Stage: Make It Safe
People won’t open up if they feel judged, attacked, or dismissed. Before diving into a tough topic, do two things:
✔ State your intent upfront.
“I value you and our relationship. I want to talk about something important, and I want us to work through it together.”
✔ Acknowledge emotions.
“I know this might be uncomfortable, and I appreciate your honesty.”
Your Job: Manage your internal dialogue and judgment.
Before you speak, check in with yourself. Are you approaching this with curiosity or assumptions?
Ask yourself: “Am I here to understand or just to be right?”
Why this matters: Respect isn’t just about words—it’s about making the other person feel safe enough to be honest.
2. Speak with Candor & Curiosity
Most conversations go sideways because we assume we already know what the other person is thinking. Instead of making assumptions, get curious.
✔ Stick to facts, not interpretations.
Instead of: “You’re not engaged in meetings.”
Try: “I’ve noticed you haven’t spoken up much in meetings. What’s been going on?”
✔ Ask open-ended questions.
“What’s your perspective on this?”
“What would make this work better for you?”
✔ Watch for defensiveness.
If emotions rise, pause. Ask: “What are you feeling right now?”
Your Job: Listen to absorb—not just to respond.
Most of us listen with one ear on the person and one ear on our own response. Instead, pause your impulse to fix or react.
Ask yourself: “Am I trying to solve this for them, or am I allowing them to be heard?”
Why this matters: Curiosity prevents conversations from turning into debates or shutdowns and keeps them open.
3. Check for Safety & Follow Through
Respect isn’t just about the conversation—it’s about what happens after. If people share their thoughts but see no action, they’ll stop being honest.
✔ Summarize & validate.
“I hear you saying that X is frustrating. That makes sense.”
✔ Commit to the next steps.
“Here’s what I’ll do on my end. What would help on yours?”
✔ Circle back later.
“I wanted to check in on our conversation last week—how are you feeling about it now?”
Your Job: Do what you say you’re going to do.
- If you commit to an action, deliver on it.
- If you say you’ll check back in, follow through.
- If you promised to hear someone out, don’t punish them later for their honesty.
Ask yourself: “Would this person feel safe being honest with me again?”
Why this matters: Trust isn’t built in one good conversation—it’s built-in consistent follow-through.
Adapting for Different Communication Styles (Color Code Insight)
Respect looks different depending on who you’re talking to. Here’s how to tailor your approach:
- Reds (Power & Control): Be direct and efficient. They respect confidence and clarity.
- Blues (Connection & Integrity): Listen deeply, validate emotions, and build trust.
- Yellows (Fun & Freedom): Keep it engaging and positive. They need enthusiasm.
- Whites (Peace & Clarity): Stay calm, patient, and non-confrontational. They need time to process.
Respect isn’t one-size-fits-all—it’s about meeting people where they are.
A Personal Wake-Up Call on Respect
As the CEO of Diversified Industrial Staffing, I thought being straightforward and solution-focused was the best way to lead.
But I’ve learned the hard way that how you deliver a message is just as important as the message itself.
I remember a time when I gave a team member what I thought was honest, direct feedback. To me, it was clear, logical, and helpful. To them? It felt harsh, dismissive, and demotivating.
What I failed to see was that they needed validation first—not just solutions.
That moment taught me a powerful lesson: Respect in dialogue isn’t about what I want to say—it’s about what the other person needs to hear.
When I adjusted my approach, trust deepened, and conversations became more productive.
Your Challenge This Week
For the next five days, focus on one conversation per day where you:
✔ Set the stage with safety and intent.
✔ Speak with curiosity, not assumptions.
✔ Follow through to build real trust.
Then, hit Reply and tell me:
- What worked?
- Where did you struggle?
- How did the other person respond?
Let’s grow together. Because real leadership isn’t about having the answers—it’s about creating spaces where others feel safe enough to share theirs.
Talk soon,
Todd
