Let’s talk about a leadership behavior most people don’t admit to, but nearly all practice.
I call it the Avoid-Dance.
You know it well:
- Delaying the hard conversation—“Now’s not the right time…”
- Sugarcoating a message so much that the core feedback gets lost
- Convincing yourself it’s not “that big of a deal” (even though your gut says otherwise)
- Hoping someone just figures it out instead of being told directly
Here’s the truth: Avoidance feels safe in the moment, but it creates chaos in the long run.
It’s leadership without leadership.
A Quick Story from the Coaching Front Lines
I worked with a COO named Rachel. She was sharp, respected, and quietly seething.
One of her top performers was hijacking team meetings—dominating conversations, disregarding input, and eroding morale. Rachel kept dancing around the issue, telling herself: "They’re delivering results… I don’t want to rock the boat."
But the boat was already taking on water.
By the time we spoke, her meetings were tense, her team was disengaged, and she was exhausted.
We coached her through one honest, grounded conversation with clarity and care. She led with intention. She named the impact. She made space for response.
And just like that?
- The employee softened.
- The behavior shifted.
- The team re-engaged.
Avoidance had stalled progress. Clarity moved it forward.
Why This Matters in Business
- 69% of managers avoid tough conversations (HBR/SHRM).
- And yet, companies that embrace consistent, honest feedback see 14.9% lower turnover and significantly faster decision-making.
When leaders sidestep discomfort, here’s what actually happens:
- Tension spreads through the team
- Accountability weakens
- Execution slows
- Psychological safety collapses
And culture? Culture becomes confused, political, and disengaged.
The longer you do the Avoid-Dance, the harder it is to rebuild trust when the music stops.
Here’s How to Lead Hard Conversations Well
**1. Get clear on your “why.”
**Are you here to support? Redirect? Repair?
Intentions rooted in growth—not reactivity—set a foundation of respect.
**2. Lead with empathy, not emotion.
**You can say hard things with heart.
“This might be tough to hear—and I care enough to bring it up” is a leadership sentence that builds bridges.
**3. Create the right environment.
**No drive-bys. No public corrections. Create privacy, presence, and time. Trust needs a stage to stand on.
**4. Be direct—not destructive.
**Say the real thing, but say it with respect.
“Clear is kind” isn’t about being cold—it’s about giving people something true to work with.
**5. Listen to understand, not defend.
**Let them react. Let them process. Don’t jump in to fix it too soon. The pause is often where trust is built.
**6. Follow through.
**Hard conversations aren’t one-and-done. Check in. Coach forward. Let the relationship evolve.
Try This Leadership Habit:
Before your next 1:1 or feedback moment, ask:
“How do I want this person to feel **walking out of the room?”
**Then build everything—tone, body language, phrasing—around that intention.
It’ll change what you say. And how well it lands.
Final Thought
Leadership isn’t about avoiding discomfort—it’s about walking through it with purpose.
Handled well, tough conversations don’t damage culture—they define it.
So if there’s a conversation you’ve been dancing around, maybe it’s time to stop stepping sideways… and start leading forward.
Because clarity isn't cruel, silence is.
In your corner,
Todd Palmer**
**CEO, Extraordinary Advisors | Author, From Suck to Success
P.S. Ready to call yourself (or your team) out of the Avoid-Dance? Share this with someone who could use the nudge—and then schedule the conversation you’ve been dodging.
